This is not who I fell in love with! Is he really my Valentine?

This is not who I fell in love with! Is he really my Valentine?

Do you fit into the category that even though you have someone in your life, you still feel alone? Or do you feel that there is something missing in your relationship? The element of surprise, may be? The long walks? Dancing? Or may be the whole scenario has changed after your marriage?

Is it really true that the other person is to blame? Or were you the one who divorced yourself first?

“Divorced myself?”

How much of who or what you are, is defined by your relationships?

All the places you altered yourself, gave up on things you love in order to be in a relationship, or keep the relationship. Plans you let go, or still bigger, life you let go of, just so that you can be in a relationship. How many of us do that?

Do you use the term, “You decide” way too often. Have you let go of your ability to choose?

Did you have a picture of a life you wanted to have, things you wanted to do, places you wanted to go, or adventures you wanted to experience?

Have you shut it all down? Packed them up, and put it away because you are pleasing someone else, because you love the other, or you just want to have that relationship and nothing else matters?

If you say, “I do this because I love him or her” and, “that is my choice”, you should have no complaint at all.

Truth, do you have complaints?

If you have any dissatisfaction in your relationship,

Ask

"Am I upset with him or because I’m not doing the things I like? Is it because somewhere I have given up on me?"

Most of the time what you are missing, is YOU!

You have given up soo much of you, that you feel empty. And that’s where all the complaints start.

A lot of times it also happens that we expect the significant other to give up things they like for us, we make them change for us and then complain, " that was not the person I fell in love with." Hello! wake up, you made him/her change. 

Start with building your relationship with you again and encourage the other to build their own. Do the things that you would like to do, like going dancing or enrolling for a workshop that will add value to you. It is all right, if your significant other doesn’t like to do it. You’ll are not clones. Add to your life what you like, and let him add to his what he likes. Let the relationship be expansive and not a contractive one. 

You can even ask:

What can I add to my relationship today that would be fun for us?

What would it take for our relationship to be expansive?

Start building your relationship with your significant other once again by finding yourself.

Start having fun being you and you will see how the entire relationship changes.

BE YOU - BE TRUE

~Storyteller – Aarti Asrani